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Monday, October 03, 2005

Lebaran Pertamaku Tanpa Ayah

Ada jarak tak terukur usai bencana itu
Tak tahu lagi dimana ayah berada kini
Kering sudah air mata ini
Setiap kali wajah teduhnya membayang

Lebaran kali ini,
Tak lagi ada tangan yang kan kukecup
Pun kaki tempat bersimpuh
Padahal, belum sempat diri meminta ridhanya

Di hari raya ini,
Tak ada baju baru untukku,
Disaat anak-anak lain bergembira dengan baju barunya
Tak satu pun yang memberi hadiah
Atas keberhasilanku berpuasa sebulan penuh

Hanya segumpal rindu yang membuatku bertahan
Memupuk sebentuk cinta yang tetap terjaga
Mengais harap lebaran bersamanya lagi

***

Tahun lalu, langkah kami menyatu dalam irama keriangan menuju alun-alun. Lantunan takbir membelah fajar dan Sholat Id terasa sempurna bersamanya. Ada punggung tangan hangat untuk dikecup, ada hati lapang yang ikhlas menerima sebentuk sesal atas kenakalan masa lalu, kemudian sentuhan lembut penuh kasih membasuh air mata yang membasahi pipi ini. Ia pun memapah tubuh kecil ini untuk berdiri dan mendaratkan kecupan lembutnya di kening. Deras terasa aliran cintanya kala itu.

Lebaran tahun lalu, dengan segenap peluhnya ia mencoba membuat saya tersenyum di hari raya. Pakaian baru yang dibawanya di malam terakhir bulan Ramadhan, membuat saya lupa bertanya dari mana ia mendapatkannya. Tapi saya tahu, itulah yang akan selalu dilakukannya demi saya, anaknya. Pengorbanan yang takkan pernah sanggup dibayar dengan apapun.

Tahun demi tahun, perjalanan cinta itu berlangsung. Hingga bencana itu datang meluluhlantakkan semuanya, termasuk jalinan cinta yang sudah terajut begitu erat. Ayah, entah dimana dirinya sekarang. Saya tak pernah lagi melihatnya setelah bencana dahsyat yang memisahkan kami.

Lebaran ini, pertama kalinya saya menggelar sajadah tanpa sajadah Ayah di sisi. Tidak ada tuntunan takbir yang menggetarkan. Saya tak rindu pakaian baru darinya, tak rindu hadiah uang atas keberhasilan puasa saya darinya. Hanya senyum dan kehadirannya yang saya rindui, juga punggung tangannya untuk dikecup.

Tahun ini, lebaran pertama saya tanpa Ayah. Ingin hati bertanya, adakah Ayah juga sholat Id di sana? Siapa yang menggelar sajadah di sisi Ayah? Adakah bibir mungil yang mencium tangan Ayah di sana?

---
Sebuah tanya dari negeri bencana, entah yang siapa yang kan menjawabnya...

Bayu Gawtama

40 comments:

Nunik said...

Sedih...itu yg terasa pas baca ini. Terasa sekali ya kita ini anak yang belum pernah membahagiakan orangtua, tapi sudah hilang kesempatan itu karena ortu kita sudah lebih dulu dipanggil Allah.

Rasanya jadi rinduuuu sekali sama masa lalu, dimana kita masih bisa bertemu orangtua yg sangat kita cintai, dan nggak berfikir bahwa suatu saat nanti kita pasti kehilangan orang tua. Kalau saja kita sadar, betapa indahnya masa lalu yang penuh cinta pada ortu, pasti kita akan selalu mencurahkan segala kasih sayang pada ortu kita.....

Tapi sayang, kita sekarang sudah tidak diberi kesempatan lagi untuk itu....
Saya juga merasakan hal ini, karena (mungkin) sebentar lagi saya akan ditinggal Ibu untuk selamanya karena kanker yg dideritanya...

si suryo said...

Alhamdulillah, saya berkesempatan membaca puisi ini yang dari awal ramadhan lalu telah mengusik hati saya, nggak pernah bosen saya baca. Pertama kali saya baca puisi ini di Republika awal Ramadhan, yang kemudian menggerakkan hati saya untuk memanggil ACT. Dan ternyata dari blog inilah sumbernya. Selalu saja air mata saya deras menetes setiap kali saya baca, bahkan saya juga sempat lihat tayangan VCD Aceh nya ACT. Gaw telah membuka mata hati dan nurani saya atas kenangan akan almarhum ayah tercinta dan yatim yatim yang lain...

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